Wield vs Vagabonds, Sunday 14th August
Match summary – A Draw, not to say long drawn out……
So what does one compare such an epic to ? The defence by the Greeks of the pass at Thermoplylae perhaps ? “Stranger go tell the Spartans that here, Obedient to their orders we lie”. Well, this is a match report so one can’t expect the whole truth.
Or maybe a better analogy would be the defence of Rorke’s Drift in January 1879, where a gallant few, under the command of Temporary Lieutenant “Dougie ” Butler (VC and Bar of the Yew Tree, of Her Majesty’s 1st Wield Very Irregular Infantry) held the Mission Station of Wield against a vastly superior force of wandering vagabonds (or Zulus as they are known locally) dressed in their fierce warrior’s uniforms of bold red and white blazers and pink hats ?
A better example, though a few details need changing. While Rorke’s Drift was mostly defended by men called Jones, Wield’s Mission Hut was defended mostly be people called Geddes. But both events could be classed as games of cricket – after all eleven VCs were awarded at Rorke’s Drift, and the same number were awarded at Wield after conspicuous gallantry in the face of the enemy, or tea as we call it.
On a sunny, almost balmy day, it was hard to believe that a shadow that started no larger than a man’s hand should become so threatening. After an hour so, with the visitors at 46 for 3, the Wield Irregulars could feel reasonably satisfied, with some solid bowling from Aidan Blackman and Simon Smith yielding results, including an extraordinary dervish like writhing from David Geddes as he managed to make a relatively straightforward catch look incredibly difficult. By contrast Guy Robinson made easy meat of high catch, taken while he was going backwards and sideways up the hill. Of such stuff legends are made.
Then things began to go wrong. We should have known that we were in for a hard day’s battle when Max was reported as having broken down on the A31. Thus turned out be highly symbolic as Max, grieving for his damaged toy, forgot General Nivelle’s well known advice in a team talk at the Battle of Verdun in 1917 – “Il ne passeront pas” = “They shall not pass” , letting through 8 byes in a matter of a few balls.
This brought to the crease two guys (or “assegais” as we call them in Wield) who were to end the day. They hit freely everywhere, scoring 266 between them, and treating Wield’s bowlers (even the most senior and respected) as so much white trash. By team time, they had put an unbeatable 314 on the board for just three wickets. The fate of the Empire hang in the balance. As Sir Henry Newbolt almost put it:
“The grass of the wicket is sodden red -
Red with the wreck of a square that broke;
The Gatling's jammed and the colonel dead,
And the whole team blind with dust and smoke.
The river of runs has brimmed its banks,
And England's far, and Honour a name,
But the voice of a schoolboy rallies the ranks -
"Play up! Play up! And play the game!”
But you’ll have to wait a bit for details of Guy’s innings. And the Colonel was not dead, merely reviving himself at tea time in the Yew Tree adding a Bar to his VC. Dougie took the bold decision to expend his most numerous resource (Geddes men) and despatched Keith Geddes (the oldest one) and Tom Geddes (the youngest one) to the crease to open Wield’s reply. It was an excellent decision. The two calmly accumulated 40 runs (20 each) in about an hour and a quarter, offering Wield a more appealing outcome than the immediate massacre that threatened us. In that time, many of the spectator’s were treated to a fine display of hockey goal keeping tactics from Tom, some of which happened to score runs. After 20 overs Wield were only 250 runs behind, a much less bad state of affairs than looked likely earlier in the day.
The schoolboy – Guy Robinson – then rallied the ranks and put on a performance that should certainly rattle his elder brothers by scoring an excellent 43 and earning the Man of the Match Award for Youngest Member of the Robinson Family Not To Get Out In A Daft Way. .
Thereafter the Zulus changed their tactics and decided to frighten Wield’s gallant boys with an underhand tactic – BO Cricket. This involved putting all the fielders within BO range of the batsmen in the hopes of intimidating them into mistakes with cheap deodorant. Col Dougie showed his contempt for this underhand (or should that be underarm?) tactic by taking some of his runs backwards. That an Englishman should never show his back to the enemy is an old and sound motto.
In the last over, it was left to the last man standing, Philip Geddes, to face the enemy, albeit for only 4 balls, to prevent the Mission Hut being overrun and the subsequent defiling of Wield’s womenfolk. But by now the Zulus were tiring. Perhaps they had even decided now was the time – as in the film – to give a gallant salute to brave heroes before withdrawing to the Yew Tree. Anyway none of the last four balls fortunately went anywhere near the wicket, and the heroes of Wield were saved for another day.
As Sir Henry Lawrence, gallant commander of the besieged Residency in Lucknow in 1857, put it with his dying breath: “ Please tell them that I tried to do my duty”.
Philip Geddes
